blog archives

favorite blogs
C-Cubed
Club Fucauré
Emily
forget
Gin and Tonic
The Ghost of Mr C's Mustache
Lux Aeterna
Numero_DosXX
The Peabody Project.
Raindroplets
Rancorous Riddance and Righteous Ridicule
Republican Righteousness
Start running as fast as you can.

contact...
me Tell me how much you like my blog. Hah!

The Original Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks heís a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

The New Liberal Version:

It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with ìGreen Biasî and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of ìgreenism.î

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings ìItís Not Easy Being Green.î

Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News and tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan Summers, or as Bill refers to it, the ìTemperatures of the 80ís.î Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the ìback of the grasshopper,î and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his ìfair share.î

Finally, the EEOC drafts the ìEconomic Equality and Anti-Greenism Act,î retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday afternoon between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk shows scheduled.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the antís food while the government house heís in - which just happens to be the antís old house - crumbles around him since he does not know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the antís food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing a new era of ìFairnessî has dawned in America.

-Jim Quinn
posted by Katze 7:07 PM

A friend is not made in a day, nor lost in day. To friends I owe a lot,


Thanks.
posted by Katze 10:29 PM

This is a blog post.




Very profound, isn't it?
posted by Katze 12:02 AM

TV: "Now remember, always recycle your cans."

My brother Robert: "So I should recycle my toilets? Wha?"
posted by Katze 12:00 AM

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

GOLDEN RETRIEVER : The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
BORDER COLLIE : Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
DACHSHUND : You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
ROTTWEILER : Make me.
LAB : Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
GERMAN SHEPHERD : I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
TIBETAN TERRIER : Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy!
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER : I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
POMERANIAN : I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
COCKER SPANIEL : Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
DOBERMAN : While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
BOXER : Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark......
CHIHUAHUA : Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
IRISH WOLFHOUND : Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.....
POINTER : I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....
GREYHOUND : It isn't moving. Who cares?
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD : First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG : Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
HOUND DOG : ZZZZZZzzzzz.z.z.z..z..z..z...z
CATS : Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF...
posted by Katze 1:44 AM

Isolation. Just leave you alone. You can be found
in a dark place, rotting in your own self pity.
After all, no one else understands, right?

How do you deal with your depression?
brought to you by Quizilla
posted by Katze 1:12 AM

"So which song of these are you?"
- Results: Mad World- Tears for Fears/Gary Jules

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a CASUAL AIM-ER! Congrats, you're
normal...or you're pretending to be.

What kind of AIM-er are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ur more suttle in ur hair style. U might like to be
curly or have hair with volume.

Witch Hair style would you have.
brought to you by Quizilla

You're DORY!
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Threat rating: zero. Excellent work - you
demonstrate all the qualities of patriotism
that will make America even greater under Bush.
USA no.1!!!

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


posted by Katze 12:20 AM

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road; so until we do there is no evidence of a chicken.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq Ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 5 tons of nerve gas on it.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when
I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it - - the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
posted by Katze 1:40 AM

ACTUAL T-SHIRT SLOGANS


1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod)
2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
4. "Procrastinate Now."
5. "Rehab Is for Quitters."
6. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone."
7. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
8. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)
9. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15."
10. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING."
11. "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names."
12. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
13. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."
14. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
15. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
16. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
17. "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music."
18. "MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose."
19. "They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
20. "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead."
21. "Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog."
22. "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on."
23. "FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
24. "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH."
25. "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times
the memory."
26. "The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."
27. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
28. "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a
pig."
29. "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
30. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
31. "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"
32. "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
33. "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
34. "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT."
35. "Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."
36. "Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
37. "MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team."
38. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning
medicine."
39. "Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
40. A shirt with a Harley Davidson logo on the front. The back said, "IF
YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF!"
41. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God, and I didn't.
-http://rushonline.com/info7.htm
posted by Katze 1:29 AM

"Of what a strange nature is knowledge! It clings to the mind when it has once seized on it like a lichen on the rock. I wished sometimes to shake off all thought and feeling, but I learned that there was but one means to overcome the sensation of pain, and that was death--a state which I feared yet did not understand. I admired virtue and good feelings and loved the gentle manners and amiable qualities of my cottagers, but I was shut out from intercourse with them, except through means which I obtained by stealth, when I was unseen and unknown, and which rather increased than satisfied the desire I had of becoming one among my fellows. ..."
-Frankenstein
CH. 13
posted by Katze 1:15 AM

"God answers all prayers...
He just sometimes answers no."
-M*A*S*H
posted by Katze 10:08 PM

"Thus ended a day memorable to me;
it decided my future destiny."
-Frankenstein
CH. 3
posted by Katze 11:36 PM

Find me a person who thinks I'm worth anything, and I'll find you a liar.
posted by Katze 1:04 AM

home